Famous Krusty Lines...

Okay, it's time for a little of Krusty's wisdom. Let's get those quotes rolling in! Write me with your favorite quotes and a short description of the scenario. So here's what I've got!
  


 
  • "Aaaaaagh! I almost swallowed some of the juice!" (While filming the KrustyBurger commercial)

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  • "After 35 years of show business people already forget who you are...just like what's his name...you know, the guy...he always wore the shirt?" (Krusty on Ed Sullivan; from the episode where the Gabbo Show gets Krusty's show cancelled & Krusty makes the big comeback special)

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  • "A joke, ah...oh....ok! A man walks into a bar with a small piano, and a twelve inch pianist.....whooaaa hooaaa...I can't tell that one!!...huh huh huh huh huh!" (when Marge asked Krusty to tell a joke at Selma and SSB's wedding)

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  • "Banana? That's your answer to everything! And you, Mel, I don't know what you are." (Krusty addressing first Mr. Tiny and then Sideshow Mel. Mel responds, "Krusty, you are so mean when you're sober.") "Oh yeah? I can fix that! I'm going on the bender of all benders!" (During one of the numerous times Krusty's show was in danger of cancellation)

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  • "Bart, I need your fingerprints on a pair of candlesticks. Meet me in the conservatory chop, chop! Don't worry, everything will be alright..." (from the episode where Bart is Krusty's assistant & Bart answers Krusty's phone call from a cellular phone while Bart is still in class)

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  • "Burn that seat!" (after homer gets his pants stuck in the chain of the clown bike, pulling them off)

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  • "Choke, Lendl choke!" (Krusty heckles at Wimbledon)

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  • "Did you send those flowers to Bea Arthurs' grave? I don't care if she's not dead yet, JUST DO IT!" (From the one when he start the Clown College)

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  • "Don't blame me! It's the percadan. If you ask me, that stuff rotts your brain...And now a word from our new sponsor...Percadan, Oh CRAP!!" (Krusty after trying to proposition "Ms. No Means No")

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  • "Forget it. The academy hates me...I don't why...they wouldn't know comedy if it bit them on their...HEY! HEY!" (Krusty's response to when Bette Midler says that Krusty deserves an Emmy for his comeback special)

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  • "Get in line... Over there!" (Krusty ignores adoring little girl who seeks an autograph. He directs her to join an enormous line for which Bart is signing Krusty photos.)

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  • "Give a hoot, read a book!" (From Krusty's literacy program)

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  • "Hey baby, isn't it a little hot in here for that cheerleader outfit?" (Krusty doll cuddling up next to Malibu Stacey in Haloween special)

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  • "Hey, Hey, HEY! Ichs nay on the eww jay!!!" (from one of the Krusty comeback specials)

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  • "Hey! Hey! Hey! It's great to be back at the Apollo Theater!" Krusty looks at the sign behind him that reads "Krusty Komedy Klassic" or "KKK" for short. "KKK?! That's not good. Unghhhhh. . ."

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  • "Hey that seltzer ain't free!" (when Homer was ringing Krusty's doorbell over and over and was getting sprayed in the face)

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  • "Hoo hoo hoo hah hah! They'll never let us show that one again! Not in a million years!" (when the nerds unplugged the I&S episode where Scratchy gets killed)

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  • "How can I sell it when that guys giving it away for free?" (When Krusty spots this-old-gramps dancing pantless in the street)

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  • "Guess who, FATBOY?" (The Krusty Doll when the switch was on EVIL)

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  • "I can pull a better cartoon out of my aaaa-heh-heh-heh..." (Krusty reacts to a bad I&S episode)

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  • "I'll be played by Jimmy Smits" (Krusty to Troy McLure on Circus of the Stars detailing his upcoming movie of the week about Krusty's struggle with Percadan addiction.)

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  • "If they ever open the books on this, I'd be joining you there [in prison] anyway!" (in the episode when SSB and Krusty reunited for the first time after SSB's imprisonment on the Kids With Motion Sickness Benefit Special, Krusty tells SSB)

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  • "If this is anyone but Steve Allen, you're stealin' my bit!" (to Gabbo after he crank called Krusty)

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  • "I campaigned for the other guy, but I voted for you!" (Krusty 29th anniversary special. What he said to President Clinton who was in the audience)

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  • "It's a towel, you yutz!" (reacting to Bart thanking him for the oversized clown hanky)

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  • "Is it a crime to be illiterate?" (in the episode where SSB frames Krusty)

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  • "I think there's still a spot on my butt." (Krusty getting Sideshow Mel to help him apply nicotine patches)

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  • "I used to do a lot of tumbling in my act but I'm phasing it out for more dirty limericks. There once was a man named Enus..." (Krusty, explaining the format of his children's show)

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  • "I thought they were due! The game was fixed! The Globetrotters used a ladder for Pete's sake! C'mon! He's just holding out the ball, take it!!" (The episode when Krusty was being chased by the mafia because of gambling debts. His accountant asked him why he bet all his money on the Washington Generals)

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  • "I've beem doing this show for so long that when I started, the Ayotolah only had a goatee..." {applause sign rings twice & no one in the audience laughs} "...what's the matter, don't you people read the papers?" (Krusty's opening monologue for his 29th Anniversary Special)

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  • "I will personally spit into every fiftieth burger!" (Krusty tells about his Olympic Games' special)

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  • "My house is dirty. Buy me a clean one. Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator." (to Bill, Krusty's accountant, illustrating how Krusty wastes all his money. Krusty then lights a cigarette with the first Superman comic.)

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  • "Now for my favorite part of the show....What does that say? Talk to the audience! Ugghhh, this is always death..." (from the Krusty special)

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  • "Okay I'll do it. Steal a pair of Hagar slacks and you have to pay for it for the rest of your life" (Krusty pressured into doing an event he didn't want to do)

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  • "Sex Cauldron! I thought they closed that place down years ago!" (Krusty responding to Mrs. Lovejoy saying "Do you think they should be talking about s-e-x in front of the c-h-i-l-d-r-e-n?")

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  • "There's nothing better than a cigar lit with a hundred dollar bill!" (Krusty is wasting money, left and right)

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  • "Tonight I'm going to suck... (switches the cue cards) your blood!" (Krusty's Halloween special)

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  • "Ugghhh, I don't know what the hell I was thinking last night." (Bart is Krusty's assistant and Krusty gives him a bucket and a mop and takes him into his personal bathroom, stops and smells it, then proclaims...)

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  • "Uh huh...uh huh...Oy Gevalt!" (when Krusty finds out that Camp Krusty has been taken over by the campers)

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  • "Unnngh, I'm gonna take a bath on this one!" (Krusty lamenting on having built a Krusty Burger on an unmaned off-shore oil rig)

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  • "We're going to the greatest place on earth...Tijuana!" (Krusty on the bus ride from Camp Krusty)

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  • "We've got wallet making, archery, the whole megillah!" (Krusty promoting his camp)

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  • "What the hell was that?" (after watching Worker & Parasite)

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  • "What was I on?" (after watching a clip of Krusty doing his best Jim Morrison impression)

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  • "You were in The Blue Lagoon, and I'm a blue haired goon... what the? That's terrible! My hair's not even blue, it's green!" Krusty announcing at an award with Brooke Shields.

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    the preceding was written by "Sideshow" Mike of the Krusty the Clown Homepage.
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